smeared hands
by kushinataichou
Summary: A battle has broken out between the two states, and Sakura's life is in danger. She is kidnapped, and when she's saved by a blond, blue-eyed soldier of her home state, she begins to discover the truth about the country, about herself, and about what it means to love something (or someone). AU.
1. still with hearts beating

_This is a fic inspired by a story my grandmother told me when she was younger. It's a war setting, but hopefully, it won't be like the rest. _

* * *

Every single day was the same, and nothing seemed to change.

It started out as a small disagreement between the states. Our land is wedged between two powerful countries, with kings who had enough wealth to buy the most expensive of teas and silk. We had no king to protect us, but we had a queen. Her name was Tsunade, and she was the first woman of all our queens to rule without a king.

We loved her, and there was not a single person that defied her. The men of our land were willing to die for her in battle, and the young women and girls aspired to be more like her.

The day of her murder, it was said that she bled white blood when she was stabbed. Vultures did not pick at her carcass, but they chased away the perpetrators who worked under the king of our neighboring land, Tana. When word spread that Tsunade-sama was murdered, her advisors warned us that the king of Tana had made a declaration of war. They began robbing things from us, and before we knew it, our once prosperous country was in poverty. We received rations each day, and the mortality rate decreased.

Tana stopped trade with us, and our crops could no longer grow. We could no longer make healthy food because of the recession in our economy. They began leaving landmines in our soil, and girls like me, _especially_ girls like me, always had to be careful. Throughout the years since the war started, things were starting to look up and the landmines seemed to be less of a risk.

However, girls my age were beginning to get kidnapped, raped, killed after they were raped.

We lived in fear everyday, and despite the fact that we were always together and looking out for each other, we knew that we had nothing. We could do nothing, but we feared everything. The sound of the light switch turning on in the middle of the night, the knocks on doors in the morning. Everything that was a routine before the war, became a threat during it.

Many things happened before Tsunade-sama's murder. My father and mother were taken to different locations and killed on the spot. The only way I knew this was through a telegram from a messenger. I packed up our home, filled with riches from foreign lands that my father accumulated a collection of. I sold my mother's jewelry, and used the money to hide myself from the enemy.

We were a noble family, who worked closely with Tsunade-sama. I was her student.

The only student she had left.

After I destroyed all remnants that related to my family and Tsunade-sama, I showed up at a shelter for girls. I never told any of them my real name, telling them that my name was Haruna. With bright eyes and wide grins, they called me Haruna-chan, or Haruna-neechan, if they were younger. I accepted this new identity and attempted to change my habits, in case anyone was ever suspicious of me. I did most things the way I was trained to - delicately and carefully - but in a world of despair, no such thing existed anymore.

I often took walks in the early mornings, before any of the girls at the shelter could wake up. I visited a cliff that overlooked Tana, and I always reminded myself that one day, it would all be over. I would be able to use my real name in public, and everyone else would be able to laugh and love, reuniting with their families and friends. It was painful, and so frustratingly infuriating, that the king refused to give up, despite the fact that we had no ruler. That was his advantage, of course.

On the first morning of autumn, I wrapped my scarf around my neck before walking out, carefully putting on my boots as the girls slept quietly. I shut the door behind me carefully, a skill I had come to master over the course of the years I stayed at the shelter. When I turned around to face forward, Ino, the first girl I became friends with, stood before me, her blue eyes skeptical.

"Where are you going?"

I opened my mouth, ready to lie, when she narrowed her eyes. I shifted my gaze to the side, considering telling her I wanted some fresh air, when really, I just wanted to think.

"Going for a walk."

"Can I come with?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Ino humped, and her usually confident demeanor became worried, the creases in her forehead a rare sight.

"Haruna-chan… you do realize I know something's up, right?"

It was my turn to narrow my eyes at her. When I first met Ino, she had been brusque and demanding, but in all genuity, she was a wonderful person. She knew little secrets about me that no one else did - that I sometimes stuffed my food under the table, giving them to the shelter's dog, that I'd never tasted alcohol on my tongue, that I'd never fallen in love. A lot of the other girls were different from me, and Ino made sure I didn't feel left out. Despite that, I was unable to tell her the real secrets about me. Her life would've been in danger.

I sighed, defeated.

"Nothing's going on, okay? I just want to think."

"So you're taking a walk."

"It helps to clear the mind, they say."

Ino smiled, and I couldn't help but allow the corners of my lips to lift, too.

"Let me come with you."

I exaggerated the groan the came out of my mouth, and Ino laughed quietly, her shoulders lifting and her breaths lithe. Very girly, I noted. Very much like the way I used to laugh.

"Okay, but we have to hurry. We don't have all day."

* * *

Ino was silent for almost all of the walk. She kept her eyes on the scenery around her, and judging by the light in her eyes, she had never been to this part of the country. It was to be assumed - the area was generally secluded and the wind was biting during this time of the morning. Trees surrounded us and their leaves were beginning to fall to the soil, orange and red alike. It was beautiful, but at the same time, almost saddening that she might not get to see the wonderful mosses of green I normally saw during the summer.

I helped her climb up to the cliff where the wind was the strongest and she pulled her jacket around her tightly, shivering every now and then. I sat away from the edge and she followed, but not before coughing a few times.

"It's really nice up here," she commented, seemingly in awe.

"Yeah. Kind of makes you forget things."

We sat side by side, staring at the land across from us. We didn't exchange any words, and the silence was rare for us. She normally loved to ask about my life before the shelter, and of course, I'd lie. Perhaps Ino had figured something out. Perhaps she also had secrets of her own that she kept to protect herself. Perhaps her name wasn't even Ino.

"Do you think things are gonna get better?" Ino asked, her voice quiet.

"I don't know. I hope so."

"Everyone's on the brink of lashing out."

"I know."

"Haruna-chan, what're you hiding from me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You used to be filled with life, and now. All you care about is taking your walks."

I didn't answer her. I merely sighed and rested my chin on my knees, my thoughts becoming clouded. I didn't want to lie anymore; it was tiring, having to lie to protect myself. One of the people I've come to love doesn't even know my real name, and I was too scared to trust her.

"I just miss my family. That's all," I finally answered as I stood up.

We walked back to the shelter without a word. Ino kept trying to say something to me - anything at all - but she always closed her mouth, as though thinking that perhaps, in times like this, it was best not to say anything at all.

Most of the girls at the shelter had already awoken, and were brushing their teeth and washing their bodies before their breakfast. Ino touched my arm before walking off to meet with the other girls our age. She looked back at me before smiling and walking off with them, her pace slower than normal. I walked straight to where I shared a room with three other girls, all younger than me, and sat down on my bed. One girl about the age of thirteen came inside, her brown eyes wide.

"Haruna-neehan, it's your turn and a bunch of the other girls' turn to pick berries for lunch today."

"Oh. Sorry, I forgot."

"That's okay! I reminded you because I'm going with you."

"Didn't you go yesterday?

"Yeah, but I want to help. So I'll come," she smiled brightly before running off to breakfast.

I rummaged through whatever belongings I had left, which, incidentally, was a photograph of my parents and I when I was still a child. I didn't like looking at it during the day, but there were times when I needed to remind myself of who I was. It wasn't because I wanted to avenge them, but it was because I simply didn't want to lose everything.

When I came to the dining hall, no one was in the room. I froze, checking under tables, in the kitchen, and even in the very back of the kitchen where the food was made. The cooks were gone, the adults who took care of us were gone, and the girls were nowhere to be seen. I felt my heartbeat begin to race and my instincts were heightening, paying attention to every tiny sound I heard, every single movement I saw from the corner of my eyes.

This only meant that the girls were hiding underground.

Which only meant one thing:

"Go check the kitchen - they can't all be gone. This is one of the best shelters in the country."

Panic spread throughout my body and the adrenaline rushed to my brain, my hands, my fingers. I reached down to take off my boots and ran towards the kitchen, desperately looking for something to hide behind. I could hear heavy soles walking slowly through the dining hall and my heart was thumping loudly that I was worried the enemy could hear me. I ran towards the laundry room, located in the very back. I closed the door behind me, making sure the click wasn't heard. I sat there waiting for whoever was out there to turn away, to leave the shelter, but I continued to hear his boots until he stopped right before the closed door. Fear was bubbling inside of me.

"What're you doing in front of that door? Nothing's in there."

"No," a deeper voice sounded, "someone's in there."

I prayed to the gods to help me stay still, to change the minds of the soldiers on the other side of the door. I held my breath for what seemed like hours, and when I think I hear the heavy boots walking away, the doorknob slowly turns. I quickly get up, ready to fight, and when the door opens, I don't hesitate to kick the enemy in his nether regions.

I ran through the kitchen, taking a different route than when I came in, but I found that the shelter was surrounded. The soldiers ran towards me, grabbing my arms and legs, forcing me into the back of a truck, covering my mouth with a cloth, tying my hands and legs with rope. Tears filled my eyes as one of them injected what I assumed was morphine into me, and the last thing I remembered was Ino's face in the window of the kitchen, her tears continuously streaming down her face, her mouth set in a harsh scowl. She was afraid.

They were all afraid, as they watched the soldiers haul me away from home.


	2. of the night

I just wanted to let you guys know that I made a blog that kind of delves deeper into the story after each chapter. If you're curious, the link is smearedhandsnarusaku on tumblr! After each chapter is written, I post on that blog about the little things that happen in the chapter, so that people can get a better understanding of the story.

* * *

I couldn't move. Every time I tried to, my body wouldn't respond. It was as though I was paralyzed. It was a long way to where they were taking me; we left in the morning and by noon, we were still moving. I could do nothing but look at the nature that surrounded us, the forest the engulfed us. The trees were beginning to have darker shadows as the sun rose higher, and fear struck my heart.

I hated the dark, particularly when it was in unknown territory.

The foliage that shone through leaves would be beautiful to anyone else, but before my mother was killed, she always told me to never go to places where there were gaps between plants, where the shadows lurked. My father always dismissed it as her being superstitious, and perhaps it rubbed off on me, too. In a way, it was a way of life that my mother passed on to me.

"Oi."

With my eyes, I turned to look at the soldier who tied me up. He had silver hair and purple eyes, and he bared teeth that were sharp. A strange sight, to be frank. The lines in his face made him look harsh, but upon meeting my eyes, they softened.

"You haven't had water in a while."

I didn't answer.

"You're gonna be here for a long time."

I made a noise in the back of my throat that would've been a laugh, had I been able to move.

"Drink some. We'll do something about your body later."

He lifted my head up gently and held me up on his arm as he placed the tip of a flask in between my lips. He pushed my head up further so I wouldn't choke, and the moment I tasted water on my tongue, I realized how dry my throat was. He gave me just enough to quency my unknown thirst, and if I was kind, I would've given some sort of sign of gratitude.

I did not bother learning his name, even as he propped me up gently and wrapped my arm around his neck when we reached a remote location. I assumed it was some kind of hideout for these soldiers.

Despite how rough they were with me earlier, they were much kinder to me once they settled me down. They fed me hot food and provided me with warm sheets. I wasn't sure what to think, but I was certain that I could only trust myself. The drug's effects had worn off by the time night rolled around, and I was able to move my arms and legs. I was able to speak, too, but I refused to say anything. They never asked for intel. They didn't even ask for my name.

What was the purpose of kidnapping me alone?

They waited for me to fall asleep that night. Aside from the fact that I was absolutely vulnerable, I was in no mood to fight back. Not yet, anyway. I knew I had to think of a strategy, but to do that, I needed time alone. They weren't giving me any of it, either, unless I needed to bathe near the river, or to excrete waste. I always ate my meals with them, and despite the fact that they were always laughing, I forced myself to shut down.

I could not trust them.

Days turned into weeks, and the soldiers were becoming kinder and kinder to me. It made me incredibly uncomfortable, because I knew that there was a reason that they kidnapped me alone - why hadn't they tried for other girls? Why did they specifically target me, and more importantly, what was their motive? It was frustrating to the point that on some nights, I refused to eat. The white-haired soldier - whose name was Suigetsu, I learned - had regarded me with worried eyes, though he laughed.

"You're going to starve if you don't eat."

I snorted, but continued to walk back to where I was meant to sleep. Another soldier, whose large frame reminded me of my father, looked at me with dark eyes. I felt less intimidated by people like him; people who had large bodies but also large hearts. His orange hair was impossibly still noticeable even when the sun had long set. I wanted to laugh when I first met this soldier, whose name I learned was Juugo, but he appeared to be more sensitive than I figured. People like him made me want to be kinder.

"He's right. We don't want you to die of starvation."

As opposed to killing me at some point with weapons, I supposed. I sat near the bonfire and accepted the plate Suigetsu offered me. They had gone hunting that day and whatever meat I was eating, I didn't want to know what animal it came from. It was soft and juicy, however, and my stomach felt as though it had just received something as luxurious as chocolate. For weeks on end, we ate soup with ingredients I didn't care to know about.

Perhaps Juugo noticed, because he smiled gently at me.

I bowed my head and continued to eat in silence, even when the rest of them were making jokes and laughing together. It was routine, it was the same as every other night. I reminded myself to not be fooled, to always be on guard, but I found that despite these warnings, I was beginning to feel tired. So far, they have shown nothing but kindness to me. I wanted to feel guilty, and I wanted to keep my guard on, but while I had nothing figured out, there really was no point.

"Thank you for being kind," I whispered.

They all looked up from their bowls, their eyes wide and their expressions bewildered. Even Juugo, who was normally calm, wore an expression I had not seen him wear in the past few weeks. Suigetsu began laughing, but it was more out of relief than out of mockery.

"You're finally realizing we're not hurting you?"

"No, but you clearly want something."

"Well. That's not our place to talk about," Juugo said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"We know who you are," Suigetsu said.

"You do?"

Their eyes looked everywhere but at me, and a whole new, unfamiliar uneasiness set in my stomach. Everyone was silent for a long time, and I was beginning to regret having ever said anything to them. When I stood up to go back inside, Juugo stopped me, the tone in his voice assertive.

"You're Haruno Sakura, aren't you?"

I froze. My whole life, I was taught that if anyone apart from the people who raised me knew my name, I had to fight them. I had to defend myself. I had no idea why it was so important, but it was something Tsunade-sama and my parents always reminded me of. Clearly, it was important enough that other people seemed to take notice of it, too.

I picked up a knife that was laid on the ground and backed up. They were all startled; I guess they hadn't realized that a knife was coincidentally placed so near me. My muscles reacted when Suigetsu tried to come closer, his arms in the air, his expression complacent. I don't know when everyone else moved, but before I could realize it, my hands were tied behind my back and I was being carried to where I slept each night. I tried to scream at them to stop, and I demanded they put me down, but they wouldn't budge.

They weren't even speaking to each other, but they moved fluidly.

Juugo was the one who faced me when I sat down. His normally kind eyes were now full of ambition and fear struck my heart for the first time in weeks. Suigetsu sat beside him and their eyes pierced through me as they spoke. I only caught snippets of what they were saying, and by the sounds of it, they were talking about my life.

How precious it was.

How valuable it was.

How _threatening_ it was.

I shrank back against my mattress as Juugo's unsettling eyes became bright with a fire I had never seen in anyone's eyes. It was new, it was haunting, and it was mysteriously lethal to look at. I felt my bones chill at the close contact and my heart felt as though it stopped beating. They were saying something about cooperation, about not wanting to hurt me, and in that instant, I knew that this whole time, they weren't being kind; they were _trying_ to get me to think they were.

Clammering of pots and pans was heard outside and Juugo paused, his eyes becoming wide from panic.

"Shit, we've been found! Hurry, fight them off!"

Suigetsu and the other soldiers ran outside and instantly, I heard the sound of bodies being thrown around and sliced open. It was the first time I was experiencing it so close, and I felt as though I was going to throw up. The slow searing of skin and the loud agonizing groans and screams made my bones shake, and I couldn't move.

"Come on, you're coming with me," Juugo said hastily as he untied the rope on my wrists.

I fought against him and kicked him as hard as I could, punching him in places I know would hurt. He didn't budge, though, and continued to drag me away from where a full-blown battle was taking place. I screamed at him to stop but he covered my mouth. I felt completely hopeless, and I remembered a trick Tsunade-sama had taught me when she was still alive: _to bite. _

My teeth gnawed into his hand and he cried out as he held his hand against his chest, very obviously not expecting the course of action. I ran as fast as I could through the dark forest, and cursed myself for being so impulsive, because as it was, I couldn't see a goddamn thing. My chest began to hurt as I sprinted, and when I looked back, Juugo was running after me, his expression furious.

I willed my legs to work faster, to cover long distances, and just as my lungs gave out, I was grabbed by the waist into a bush by a man with strong arms. I struggled against him but he shushed me, covering my mouth and whispering that it would all be okay.

When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw that he had large blue eyes that told tales of hope, and blonde hair that could only shimmer under both the sun and the moon. He grinned and removed his hand, and I was too speechless to say anything. He reached into a bag he carried with him and handed me food and water, turning around to watch the hideout I was just at being burnt to the ground. Who _was_ he?

He smiled when he turned to look at me again, and I felt strangely annoyed and even more scared than before.

"Don't worry," he whispered with bright eyes, "I'm on your side."


	3. safe and sound

I couldn't keep my eyes off his swift hands, plugging and unplugging tools as he kept his eyes on Juugo, making sure he was close enough. For what? I had no idea. I was too mesmerized by how much expertise he had, how this seemed to be his forte.

"What do you mean you're on my side?" I asked.

His eyes flickered over to me before focusing back in front of him, and a wide smile spread across his face. His body tensed and he threw a grenade out in the open, the sound of it echoing in my ears. I immediately lifted my arms to cover my ears, but his strong grip latched onto my wrist and before I could comprehend what was going on, we were running through the dark forest. How we weren't hitting the tree barks was a miracle. Our speed was incredible, too.

"I'm here to take you away from those guys," he finally answered, not looking back.

After a few minutes, he slowed. He looked back, and out of instinct, I mimicked him. There was no one behind us, and it was too dark for Juugo and Suigetsu to chase after us now. I turned back towards the blond-haired man, and his demeanor was cautious. He was truly attractive, but it still stood that I had no idea who this man was. His grip became tighter on my wrist.

"It's too dark for them to chase us. Let me go."

Alarmed, the man abruptly released my wrist and rubbed the back of his neck. He turned forward and walked a few steps, checking our surroundings before he reached behind one of the tree trunks and pulled out what seemed to be a bag. A large one, at that. Under normal circumstances, I would've helped him, but evidently, this was not a normal circumstance. I was extremely baffled.

"We'll camp here tonight."

"What?" I asked.

"We can't move while it's still dark."

I scrunched my eyebrows together and took a few steps closer. He had pulled out a folded tent and set it aside. Other tools laid near him - a few pocket knives, a ladle, a bowl, and some matches. There was a blanket and a few dry cloths. I looked around, despite the fact that I knew I wouldn't be able to see anything. It seemed as though we really were in the middle of the forest, though. He stood up and turned around, saying something about finding some firewood. I took a deep breath.

"Why are you helping me?"

His gaze shifted from the side to my face, and he appeared to be genuinely confused. His hand fell from his neck and his eyes pierced mine, making my skin prick with uncertainty. Maybe a little bit of fear, too. He took one small step backwards and smiled, his grin wide and his eyes crinkling in the corners.

"I'm the good guy, obviously," he laughed, "and those guys were after you."

"How do I know you're not after me, too?"

He paused then, his smile falling. He knitted his brow together before he spoke, his tone absolutely and completely calm, despite his expression.

"I am protecting you. You can choose whether to believe that or not."

With swift movements of his feet, he walked away from me and delved deeper into the forest. I stood in my place, absolutely stunned, and not because his character was so different from the type of people I was used to. He was determined, and he seemed to know very well what he was doing. I waited for a few minutes, but when he didn't come back, I decided to set up the tent.

The wind whistled every now and then, and my fingers became frigid against the metal of the tent. I set it in place, a few meters away from the supplies. The moon shone brightly when I looked up at the dark sky, but there were no stars. I sighed and sat down inside the tent, looking around every few minutes for the blond-haired man whose smile made crinkles in the corners of his eyes.

The initial shock of the night's events were finally spreading throughout my body, and with the addition of the weather, I began trembling. I ran through trivial lessons with Tsunade-sama in my head: how a significant amount of food was not recommended after nausea, how the human body was a constantly working machine, how when we tremble, it is merely our bodies looking for warmth.

My eyes fluttered open when I heard his voice whispering to me.

"Hey, it's dangerous to fall asleep here."

I sat up, wiping my eyes as they came into focus. His arms held firewood and he bent forward to drop them on the forest floor. He bent his legs and sat down before he grabbed the matches next to him and lit a fire. The orange flames lit up his face, and my eyes widened at the gruffness of his appearances. He didn't have stubble or even a mustache, but his the lines around his mouth were present - a sign that he laughed and smiled a lot. His forehead wasn't wrinkled, and though the shape of his eyes were deep-set and made him look exhausted, the blue fire in his eyes made him appear more lively.

"Hand me that bowl."

His tone was monotonous, but his voice was slightly scratchy - almost as though he had been screaming for years.

"What's your name?" I asked.

He looked up at me as he threw in some drinking water into the large bowl, mixing it with a few herbs and vegetables. He smiled as he placed it on top of the fire, mixing it every now and then with the ladle. He was surprisingly calm, and I felt as though perhaps I was too eager. After a few minutes, he poured some of the hot soup into a smaller bowl, handing it to me along with a silver spoon.

"Sorry. I'm not a good cook. I have to focus on it before I do anything else."

I smiled as I tasted the healthy soup. The taste certainly wasn't the best, but it was good enough for people who travelled through the night like this. Perhaps he had years of experience with camping outdoors, hiding from the enemy. Perhaps he was used to rescuing people.

"Naruto."

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"My name's Naruto."

I raised my eyes and he was smiling, his hands holding his own bowl in front of him. It was truly a kind smile, and it knocked over any doubts I had about him. I smiled back, slowly, and he continued eating his meal. We were silent for most of the night, and he kept adding seconds to his bowl, asking me each time if I wanted a refill. I only answered yes once, for fear that eating too much would make me nauseous. He slurped happily, his expression completely satisfied.

"You can sleep alone in that tent," he said between mouthfuls of vegetables.

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"Don't worry. I'll be out here."

"It's freezing."

"I can manage. I've done this for years!"

I was right, then. He _had_ been doing work like this for years. Had he rescued someone else before, from being killed? Had he infiltrated enemy territory the way he did earlier tonight? I nodded and handed him my bowl, declining when he asked if I wanted another bowl of hot soup. I stood up, grabbing the blanket he'd brought. He looked up, and his voice was amused when he asked where I was going.

"Are there any bushes nearby?" I asked.

"A few trees ahead."

I nodded and started walking north, but Naruto cleared his throat.

"It's dangerous to go alone."

"You said that about falling asleep."

"I'm not wrong."

"Are you saying you want to come with me?"

"Just to keep you safe."

I stood before him, dumbfounded and absolutely mortified that he'd have to come with me to the bushes to _pee_. I fidgeted with the ends of the blanket, prompting him to chuckle every now and then before I groaned and motioned with my hand for him to come along with me. He stood up, his hands on his knees before he straightened his back and took one step towards me. I spoke up.

"If I catch you peeping, I will hurt you."

"I don't doubt it," he answered with his hands in the air as a token of surrender.

* * *

Our feet stepped upon a bunch of branches as we walked away from the campsite, and my feet kept tugging against the roots of trees. Naruto chuckled behind me, and I would've been angry, if it weren't for the fact that he'd always trip right after me. I wondered how he spent so many years doing what he did. My fingers brushed against a large bush, and I squeaked, relief washing over me. I had been holding in my bladder for hours now, at this point.

I looked back to Naruto and he nodded, turning to face the other way as I pulled down my pants behind the bush. I made no noise, but Naruto chuckled anyway, which made me feel self-conscious.

"Don't laugh!"

"Sorry! It's just that it sounds like you've been holdin' it in!"

I grunted, pulling out a pack of tissues I carried in my pockets at all times to wipe. After a fair amount of rustling in order to get my pants back on, I turned towards Naruto as I stepped out of the bush.

"Did you bring water with you?" I asked.

"No. You can wash your hands when we get back, though."

No words were exchanged between us as we walked back, and every now and then, I glanced at Naruto, only to find him looking at me. It was something you'd see happen in elementary school, and I wanted to laugh at the circumstances.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Like I said. I'm on your side."

"That doesn't tell me much."

Naruto shrugged and sighed, placing one palm on the nape of his neck.

"You'll find out, in time."

I didn't question him anymore, after that. Naruto offered to pour the water as I washed my hands thoroughly, making use of the bar of soap he kept in his bag. I helped him wash out the bowls we ate out of, placing them on a dry cloth to dry overnight. Naruto was staring at a map using a small candle when I turned around, and he marked something on it, his expression thoughtful.

"Is that the route we're taking tomorrow?" I asked, pointing to his mark.

"Yeah. Just seeing that we're taking the right route."

I nodded and took a deep breath as I settled into the tent. Naruto blew out his mini candle, setting it beside his bag. He folded the map crisply and pushed it into the bag before laying his head on top of it, attempting to get comfortable. I felt a tug at my subconscious, and I knew that I felt uncomfortable with him sleeping like that, from the very beginning when he told me that's what he'd do while I slept in the tent.

"Are you sure about sleeping there?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You're going to get cold."

"I already told you I've done this a bunch of times."

I pursed my lips as I thought. Perhaps being a little kind wouldn't hurt me. I folded the blanket he handed me, spreading my fingers across the top to smooth it out. He seemed to be the type that didn't fall asleep quickly, and if he didn't fall asleep quickly before sunrise, that meant he barely got any sleep. I cleared my throat.

"Do you have any dry socks?" I asked.

He raised his head, then his eyebrows, but he smiled as he reached into his bag, tossing a pair to me. Perfect, I thought. I cleared my throat again, and when he sat up, I threw the folded blanket towards him. He held it in his hands and stared at me, as though questioning my intentions.

"I'll be fine if I have just socks. You need the blanket."

I zipped up the tent before he could answer, slipping on the socks he gave me. They were _huge_, and not to mention that they were incredibly thick. I rustled around for a bit, and I could hear Naruto outside, too. I laid my head on my arm, since in times like these, pillows did not exist. I cleared my throat as I settled in. When it became dead silent, I heard Naruto move outside again, once more. It sounded as though he was getting closer.

I moved slightly to face the front of the tent, in case I needed to tell him to back off. My mind changed when he spoke up first.

"Thanks. No one's been kind enough to give me the blanket before."

My breath caught in my throat and my heart softened at the genuity in his voice. How many people had he saved before? After three heartbeats, I answered him:

"It's no problem. You need it more than I do."

Naruto's chuckle rang in my ears as I settled in, closing my eyes. He whispered something about me being a kind person, and I smiled even wider. I couldn't remember the last time someone had called me kind. He whispered goodnight, even though I gave the impression that I'd already fallen asleep. He sniffled a few times before he began snoring softly, and I felt empathy at the realization that he probably didn't get to rest as much as he could.

I laid on my back, trying to imagine the night sky above me. With fluttering eyes, I reminded myself that tomorrow was another day. We were not done yet.

We were not safe yet.


	4. winter prayers

First thing's first: I came back a little later than I thought, so this chapter is late. I'm working on Worn Out Fingers right now, and I've thought of another fanfic I want to write for my other OTP. I'm just full of ideas. Sorry for the delays; I hope you guys will stay with me. Also, I know that I gave Sakura's fake name again, but don't be angry! You'll understand in the future.

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The sun had almost risen when my eyes cracked open. Naruto was snoring outside the tent, and I rolled my eyes at the earth-shattering noise that caused me to wake up not once, but _several_ times throughout the night. I rolled over a few times, groaning every now and then at the lack of comfort that I failed to notice the night before. Perhaps I was too tired to notice, to the point that sleep was the only thing my brain registered.

It wasn't the first time that the circumstances did not allow me to roam about as freely as I pleased, but it _was_ the first time that the person watching over me was generally not very demanding. Naruto never ordered me to stay inside the tent, should I wake up before him. Then again, he zonked out first, at the moment he was most comfortable. He was truly a rather complex man, though he appeared to be simple-minded. Tsunade-sama reminded me to never assume someone's wits was less than their brawn, and perhaps Naruto was a perfect example of this.

I unzipped the front of the tent, careful not to step on Naruto as I placed one foot on the soft soil. I tiptoed around him and headed north, where Naruto took me to pee last night. I almost groaned at the memory and mortification that he heard me pee. It was always a trivial matter to men, but to girls - it was something that they hoped you'd never have to hear. Or see, for that matter. Birds were just starting to sing their morning songs, their chirps small and following the rhythm of a heartbeat before they became consistent symphonies.

The birds were all the same in color, and their songs were only slightly similar. They watched me as I walked through the forest, exploring the mosses of green that I could not see the previous night. There had been no snow, despite the fact that we were already quite far into autumn, and I vaguely remembered watching the white particles fall from the sky and onto the grass of my home. It was a memory without meaning; it had no emotional connection to it. Though, for some reason, it was a memory I wanted to hold on to. Perhaps there was a simplicity in it that grounded me to Earth, after everything that has happened.

Perhaps it was just a reminder that I too, am human.

Between the barks of the humongous trees, I spotted a path that eventually led into a small town. A loud one, at that. I craned my neck and saw that people were coming in and out, but they never seemed to come towards the forest. It made sense, though: they were probably told that the forests are the most dangerous places to be, even during the day. Perhaps this was the route Naruto wanted to take.

Come to think of it, I had no idea where we were headed.

The birds that were perched on their branches were now flying off one by one, and the noise around me eventually disappeared. The ground beneath me did not crunch every time I took a step, but instead, it was hard - almost as though it was frozen solid from the winds. Naruto was no longer snoring when I came back. The tent was zipped up as I had left it, but Naruto's things were laid on the floor. I shrugged and sat in front of the burnt wood we used the night before for dinner.

I propped myself on the ground and pulled my knees to my chin in an attempt to keep warm as I waited for Naruto. Surely enough, a few minutes later, a groggy Naruto returned, yawning with his big mouth. He rubbed his eyes and sat down across from me, his blue eyes not yet adjusted to the fact that he was awake.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked.

"Pretty good, I guess," he slapped his cheek a few times to wake himself up.

"You were snoring the whole night, you know."

Naruto looked up at me, and his eyes widened when I gave him the time to process what I had just said. He doubled back, guffawing into the air, holding his stomach. It was contagious; I couldn't help but start laughing myself, despite the grouchiness from the lack of sleep.

"I'm sorry. I kept you up, huh?"

"Just a tad."

"Won't happen again."

"I sure hope not."

I smiled at him as a sign of encouragement, and he smiled his wide grin before pulling out his map and laying it between us. The marks he made were clearer underneath the bright sky now, and I found that his handwriting was like chicken scratch. It was sort of to be expected, that someone like Naruto might not have handwriting that I could read. I vaguely wondered if he could read his own handwriting when his eyes squinted while he looked at the page.

"There's a town if we keep walking north," I said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just checking - wait. How'd you know that?"

I smiled.

"I did just a little exploring. This forest is beautiful."

"Well, you know what they say about forests."

"I know. My mom used to tell me all the time," I answered sadly.

Naruto's eyes stayed on my face before he knitted his brow together, averting his gaze back to the map. I felt a little guilty; he probably wasn't sure how to deal with this kind of thing. He had probably been trained to focus on rescuing people, on missions, rather than what advice his mother gave him to survive. I couldn't imagine a world without a mother, but I supposed I was beginning to understand.

"What's your mom like?" I asked.

"I don't know. Never met her."

"Oh."

Naruto stiffened before smiling, the creases in his forehead softening.

"They told me she was beautiful, though. She had long red hair. She was brave and impulsive, too."

"Kind of like you," I whispered.

Naruto smiled, softly this time, and his fingers traced the map. He took out a marker and circled another location on the map, his face content, before he looked up at me, his smile never falling off his face.

"Yeah. Kind of like me."

After Naruto pinpointed the route we'd take after the town, he helped me pack up the things he brought. He folded up the tent while I put away the bowls and pushed the burnt wood to the side. My hands were frigid from the biting wind, and I felt as though they were going to snap off if I wasn't careful. I hid them in my pockets as I waited for Naruto to finish up, looking to the sky and seeing nothing but cold and white.

"Let's go," he said as he walked past me.

I followed him, and it was only then that I realized how broad his shoulders were.

* * *

The town was bustling with people, old and young alike. They scurried from store to store, home to home, and I felt as though they were all looking for something to do. The town was not _beautiful_ in aesthetics, but it was due to the fact that it looked a little bit run down. It would've been beautiful, had it been fixed up. The people were kind though, bidding hello to Naruto and I.

Perhaps it used to be a tourist town.

Naruto smiled at the young girls who waved to him, and they blushed as they walked away, clearly smitten. I watched as he bowed before the older women who ran the shops, and I followed suit, receiving kind smiles from them. I looked around me, and I figured that Naruto had probably passed by this town countless times. He seemed to be well-known.

"Why are you walking behind me?" he asked, turning around and stopping altogether.

"I don't know this place."

"You can walk next to me, y'know."

I narrowed my eyes.

"For what reason?"

"I just don't like it when people walk behind me," he shrugged.

I hesitated, but when his gaze hardened, I quickly stood next to him. The fire in his eyes was different today; it was darker, and if I had to gall to look properly, it was almost as if he was _remembering_ something. We took slow steps forward, and I mulled over the fact that he hadn't told me anything about him besides what I've already asked. Perhaps it was principle, that he didn't openly give away information about himself.

It made me wonder how he knew me, if he knew my name. If he knew what my history was.

Did he know who he was saving?

"We're just passing by, okay?" Naruto said, after we passed a florist.

"You're not going to look for more supplies?"

"Only if we need it."

"You could get an extra tent."

"Too much money."

"But you won't have to sleep outside."

Naruto contemplated that, his brow furrowing together. He picked up his pace and I fought a smile as I followed him into a camping store. He stared at the sleeping bags in amazement, touching them with the tips of his fingers. The store manager, a young man with black hair, stood up from the stool he sat upon, grinning wide.

"Welcome to Inari's! How may I help you?" he said, his eyes bright.

"We're looking for a tent," I declared when Naruto wandered into the aisle with hiking bags.

The young man brought me to a selection of fold-up tents, all on sale, and all big enough to fit two people. I was feeling a little jealous; of course Naruto would get the big tent, since I took the smaller one. There were different colors, and the material felt nice against my fingers. I picked out an orange one for Naruto and was about to make the purchase when I realized Naruto had the bag with money in it.

"Hold on, I'll get him," I said politely to the young man.

"No, that's okay! It's on the house!"

"What?"

The young man merely smiled and thanked us for coming into his shop. I felt a little dazed at the kindness in his smile, the softness around his eyes - so innocent, so young. I walked up to Naruto, whose focus had shifted to the tent I held in my hand. I stared at him and he smiled, his eyes clearly very confused at the change in the atmosphere.

"How come I didn't have to pay?" I asked.

Naruto's face fell just the slightest; it was only obvious in the way his laughter lines softened, and the way the light in his eyes burned out. His hands reached for the tent in my hands, and he stuffed it into his bag. He stared at me before walking out of the store, and other than feeling absolutely baffled, I was annoyed.

Naruto walked for a few meters, with me behind him, when he turned around, his expression soft.

"Don't walk behind me," he whispered.

I shuffled my feet forward, and instead of walking beside him, I treaded forward. He didn't stop me, but I heard him sigh. We walked for a few meters before he cleared his throat. I turned around and found that he had stopped and was staring right at me, his expression wary. I paused before him, not moving an inch. He opened his mouth and clamped it shut a few times, before he sighed and stepped forward, so that he was closer to me. I couldn't breathe.

"This town was bombed by Tana a few months ago."

I waited, not quite sure what to do with the information.

"They sent me in to help them rebuild the town. Other people like me helped out, too. That's why I don't have to pay - why _we_ don't have to pay."

I couldn't move my eyes from his face. I swallowed every now and then and played with the ends of my hair. I wasn't sure what to say except for perhaps one thing:

"Do they know who I am?"

Naruto's face softened and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. He looked to the sky, as though searching for a proper answer, though I supposed I already knew. It was just a matter of someone else confirming that I was, for once, wrong.

"No. To them, you're just another person I'm saving."

I nodded, more than pleased with his answer. At least most of the state was kept in the dark about who I was. I continued walking forward, when Naruto cleared his throat again. I turned around and his eyes were sheepish, a slight blush on his face. I smiled.

"Hey, uh. You never gave me your name."

"I thought you knew who I was."

"I do. I don't know your name, though."

My eyes softened at his boldness, and I walked towards him, grabbing his hand. I held it in mine softly, and his skin was warm. I smiled again, looking up at him with kindness. I exhaled and he stood up straighter. There was a nagging in my head, tugging at my heart, and the guilt seeped in.

"Haruna. My name is Haruna."

Naruto's eyes softened then, as though something in his head clicked, as though he realized something important. He closed his eyes and smiled. I pushed his shoulder playfully, and I had to wonder why he made me feel so comfortable in my own skin. There was a kindness in him I had not seen for a while. I wanted to see more of it, I wanted to understand the kindness that the town saw in him.

Naruto did not take my hand, but instead, called me by my fake name, to walk beside him.

We kept heading north, passing by rivers and more mosses of green. Had it been another life, I would've called our surroundings beautiful. I tried to imagine a world where there was no fighting, no strife, no kidnappings, and I wondered what it would be like; to live each day watching the sky in adoration, instead of in fear.


	5. road to safety

Yes, the title of this chapter is a play on the title of Road to Ninja, my absolute _favorite_ Naruto movie. I'm sorry that this update was late, but the day I wanted to publish it, I had some last minute plans and I was feeling lazy when I got home but then I told myself to just write it because I'd regret it. So here you go, chapter 5! Also, I recreated the information blog, it can be found at smearedhands dot co dot vu! I will update with information on this chapter tomorrow though, as it is now very late. Feedback is much appreciated x

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Naruto had tripped over his own shoes, and it sent him flying face forward to the ground. I stood in shock, stifling a laugh when he grunted and dusted himself off. It had happened a few times since we left the last town, and the first two times, Naruto laughed at himself. It got to the point where his laughs started turning into frustrated noises, which I found incredibly amusing. He walked a few steps forward before turning around, his expression annoyed.

"I can hear you giggling," he said.

"I wasn't giggling!" I lied as I choked a little.

He narrowed his eyes and exhaled through his nose. I stepped forward, telling myself to calm down, my shoulders rising and falling as each deep breath was drawn and released. I walked beside him along the trail, and we were approaching an inn. I stretched my arms towards the sky and my back cracked from the many hours of traveling, causing Naruto to glance at me. We walked for a few minutes with words spoken and exchanged; about things that didn't matter, things that seemed unreachable. He never spoke of the war; never of Tsunade-sama; never of my kidnappers. He worked around sensitive topics effortlessly, and once again, it made me think about the people he'd rescued before. Had they had conversations with him like this?

He asked me what I loved doing and I smiled, telling him my favorite pastime as a child was karate. His eyes widened and he lifted his hands, as though in surrender. I laughed and asked what his favorite activity was, and he scratched his chin before telling me that it was growing plants. I nodded as he steered the conversation back to me, and I thought that plant-growing suited him; with firm, sure hands like his, anything could grow gracefully.

"Do you have a kind of escape route?" Naruto asked.

"There was a cliff that overlooked Tana, and even though it was kind of weird in principle, the view was beautiful. Made me hope that we could be that prosperous again."

"You never know - we could be."

"What about you?"

Naruto's gaze turned to me and his eyes softened before he turned again, his gaze back on the road ahead of us. He looked left and right, and reaching into his pocket as we walked, he pulled out his map. I was learning very quickly that Naruto had a habit of answering questions much later than he was expected to. I was amused at the thought that he might've been yelled at by his teachers for answering a question five minutes after it was asked.

"I'll show you. It's around here, anyway!"

"What? But you said we have to keep going! There's an inn right there!"

"We can check in afterwards! Come on, I wanna show you!"

He gestured with his head, for me to follow him, but when I didn't budge, he pulled my wrist until I stumbled forward. He laughed then, and gently released his hold, knowing I'd follow him now. The feel of his skin was warm, and I was still thinking about it as he led me through a mess of bushes. I couldn't see a path, and I couldn't understand how Naruto knew exactly where we were headed. Maybe he wasn't human, or maybe he was trained to roam about without knowing where he was going.

I was beginning to feel a little claustrophobic when Naruto turned around with a smile on his face.

"Okay. Here we are. Get ready for it!"

Naruto stepped forward and prompted me to follow. My eyes absorbed the most breathtaking view - even more than the view of Tana. I could hear Naruto sigh next to me, and as though my eyes had been opened to a new phenomenon, I felt my heart melt. There were tall trees around us, birds and squirrels on them, with gentle birdsong filling the air. I stepped forward, towards the creek before us, and when I looked in the water, my eyes were reflected so clearly. Spearmint eyes; _my_ eyes.

Flowers grew around the edges of the creek, all in different colors and sizes. I stared, mesmerized. In this day and age, who could keep such a beautiful place a _secret_? I bent forward and let myself fall onto the grass, laughing as I rolled around . It felt new, and it felt utterly safe, despite the fact that it was what most people considered to be a _hiding_ place. I sat up and inhaled the fresh air. Naruto sat beside me, and when I turned to look at him, his eyes softened.

"How'd you find this place?"

"I found it by accident."

"How?"

Naruto leaned back on his palms and stretched his legs. I felt a shift in the atmosphere, and although I didn't regret asking, I was afraid of the answer. Despite his smiles and laughter, there was something about Naruto that made me uneasy. I wasn't sure of what he had to endure in his life, but I was certain that they were painful. People like him aren't born kind - they've experienced a type of pain that can't be healed, and they can do nothing but protect other people from it. Naruto's eyes glazed over as he took a deep breath and looked to where the sky would be, had the trees not been blocking our view.

"My best friend was killed. The day after his funeral, I didn't feel like sticking around. So I found this place."

I pulled my knees to my chest, resting my chin on top. I tried to find words to utter, words that would soothe his heart, but I could come up with nothing. Who knew what to say to someone who had lost their best friend? Moreover, his best friend was _killed_ - not an unknown term, but nonetheless, I still found it hard to console others who had loved ones taken away from them. I supposed it was because I hadn't dealt with it myself yet. He took another deep breath, as though the action helped him to speak. He sounded the way I did when I was trying not to cry.

"Kinda makes me forget everything for a while, y'know."

"Have you taken anyone else here?" I asked, not able to stop myself.

He feigned a thinking face, but his eyes were fixed on my face. He was searching for something, and whatever it was, he didn't find it. The crinkles in his eyes fell just the slightest bit before he smiled.

"Nope, you're the first one here, Haruna-chan!"

"Haruna-chan?" I asked, laughing.

"It's cute, isn't it?"

I nudged him with my elbow, and from where we sat, we watched the light around us slowly become darker. Because the weather was cold, I wasn't expecting creatures like fireflies to come out, but the image was still in my head.I imagined the weather was warmer, and the sky was darker. I imagined a world where the biggest secret Naruto told me was that he found solace in nature, as opposed to using it as a way to escape his traumatized heart.

* * *

Because the inn was fully booked from travelers like Naruto and I, we were forced to be pushed into one room. It wasn't a room, per se, since it was so _huge_, but the receptionist still apologized for the inconvenience. She bowed and said she'd bring us dinner in a few minutes, and when she closed the door behind her, I had to wonder how much money Naruto actually had.

He laid down on the tatami mats and stretched, his own bones and joints clearly tired from the journey. I opened the closet and took out two futons, placing them on the tatami mats. Naruto watched me as I grabbed one and set it beside the door that opened up to reveal the courtyard. He was still watching me when I grabbed a robe from the closet, and I sighed, feeling annoyed.

"Could you turn the other way?" I asked as I waved my hand.

"Why?"

"I'm about to change."

"All the more reason to look," he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at him and lifted my hand, balling it into a fist before he lifted his hands in surrender. He sighed and turned the other way, facing the wall. I quickly shrugged out of my clothes - a worn out pair of slacks and a long-sleeved shirt to help me keep warm - and tossed them inside the basket that was labeled 'laundry.' I cleared my throat, and Naruto turned around, his expression fatigued. It was already beginning to feel strange when he didn't smile.

"Are you gonna take a bath?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe after we eat."

The rest of the night went by quickly, particularly when we received our food. Naruto gobbled it all up, and I watched in awe as he seemed to be inhaling his food, while I chewed slowly on the salmon before me. I tapped his cheek lightly when he looked like he didn't even take a second to breathe while he was eating. It was truly an amazing sight, to see someone enjoy food so much. It made sense since he travelled so much, but I still wasn't expecting this level of gluttony.

"Are you gonna eat that?" Naruto asked as he pointed to a bowl of roe with his chopsticks.

"No, I don't eat roe."

He paused as he reached for the bowl, and he narrowed his eyes before shrugging and resuming the act of filling his stomach. I sipped the water from my cup and turned my head towards the view of the courtyard. There was a pond and I could hear the stream, and it was comfortable. It felt safe, and I felt my stomach twist at the knowledge that I couldn't get too comfortable. It was dangerous; being vulnerable only brought pain and betrayal.

I glanced at Naruto and laughed when I saw that he had dropped a sushi on the tatami mat, his expression as though he had dropped a sack of rice. Perhaps he ate so much because he never got this luxury.

"You're cleaning that up," I said.

"Do you have a cloth?"

"No, check in the closet."

I stood up and wrapped the robe tighter around me as I walked towards the platform of our room that overlooked the courtyard. I sat upon the wooden floor and allowed my legs to dangle over the ledge. Naruto followed me shortly, and I heard him snort as he sat down beside me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"You're wearing socks."

I looked down and became confused; I was always wearing socks in the winter.

"Yeah, so what?"

"How come you always wear them?"

I shook my head and felt my face burn up. My mother had always reminded me to wear socks as a child, and it was a habit I never grew out of. No one had ever asked me why I always wore socks - they had just seen it as a quirk and never really paid any mind to it. I tilted my head as I watched a thin branch of the tree before us fall to the ground. Naruto was holding his cup of hot tea and sipped from it every now and then, but he did not look away from me.

"Promise you won't laugh," I said dejectedly.

"Why would I?"

"Just promise, dumbass."

Naruto snorted.

"Okay, I promise."

I took a deep breath and turned my head to look at him. His eyes were wide and I knew he was paying attention, waiting for an explanation of some sorts. It wasn't a big deal, but he was one curious man. It was funny to think, in all honesty, that he was curious about the most trivial things.

"When I was little," I started, "my parents took me to travel a lot. We'd travel for days and weeks, and it was always in the winter."

He bit into a carrot that I didn't see him holding, and I smirked.

"I have a really sensitive bladder. So, to avoid having to stop every thirty minutes, my mom told me to put on socks."

"What's that supposed to do?"

"My feet won't get cold and it won't spread upwards."

Naruto stopped chewing and I was very aware of the way his lips twitched as he fought a smile. I pulled my knees to my chest and sighed, the action causing condensation to appear before me from the heat hitting the cold. Naruto placed his cup of tea on the floor next to him, and he crossed his legs before he spoke.

"That's a cute story."

"I guess."

"I just realized something," he said.

"What's that?"

"You weren't wearing socks when I saved you."

It was silent for two seconds before we both burst out laughing. I slapped him on the shoulder and my stomach had begun to hurt from the fits of giggles and guffaw. We were breathing heavily as we settled down, Naruto's eyes filled with tears and my face turned red. Naruto laid on the floor with his own legs dangling over the ledge. He was tan - sun-kissed, even, and I couldn't help but run my eyes up his leg before I realized he wasn't wearing anything underneath the robe, either.

_Either._

I blushed at the 'convenience' of the situation and breathed deeply to chase away inappropriate thoughts. I never had them about anyone before, and I didn't want to think that Naruto was _that_ attractive that I was thinking vulgar thoughts. Though, he certainly was very attractive. Naruto turned over and called out to me.

"Haruna-chan."

"Hmm?"

"It's gonna be hard from tomorrow onwards."

I did not answer, but instead, I turned to look him in the eye.

"What do you mean?" I whispered.

"We're entering enemy territory tomorrow. You have to be careful."

I nodded and stood up, pulling the robe tighter around me as I walked past Naruto, getting settled into my futon. Naruto did not follow immediately, and he turned out the lights before he entered the restroom, washing his face. I watched with half-closed lids, and I found that his normally bright, smiling face, turned weary and tired at night, when he thought no one could see.

He wiped his eyes, and for a second, it looked as though he was tearing up. I convinced myself that I was seeing things, and just as I thought so, he splashed more water on his face. He sniffled a few times before leaving the restroom, turning off the lights. He walked to the opposite end of the room and pulled the blanket over him. He sighed a few times, before his breathing became softer. I laid awake for a few more minutes before my own eyes gave way as slumber enveloped me in its warm embrace.

Naruto did not snore that night.


	6. anything for you

I realize that the kingdom / land Naruto and Sakura are from is unnamed. I was originally going to keep it unnamed but, where's the fun in that? It took a while to come up with, but I had a friend talk me through it and so we came up with a name. Remember that analyses for each chapter / explanations for each chapter are found at narusakusmearedhands on tumblr! I did small research for this chapter because I needed to know only a few names of some medicinal herbs and plants because I have no idea what some of them are but I'm glad we have the internet for that. Please do give me feedback, as well. It's also 1AM and I always seem to be writing these little messages for you all in the late of night. I hope you were looking forward to this chapter.

´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

I had fallen asleep without noticing, and the next thing I remembered was waking up to Naruto nudging my shoulder gently, his fingers just brushing against the fabric of my satin bathrobe. I felt the way his fingers curled around my shoulder and felt just the slightest sheer of embarrassment. I rolled over and groaned, pulling the blanket over my head. As far as I knew, it was still too early to be getting on the move. He called my (fake) name softly, and I vaguely thought it was strange, because I was allowing him to treat me as though I was a child. My eyes opened at that thought and I rolled back over on my side, facing Naruto's sleepy face.

"You're not even fully awake yet, hypocrite," I murmured.

"That's because we haven't had breakfast, Haruna-chan. Let's go get some!"

"Aren't they going to bring it to our room?"

"No, they want their guests to get the full experience, or something. I wasn't listening," Naruto chuckled.

I washed my face and followed Naruto out the door, pulling it shut behind me. The dining hall was immensely crowded, what with the tables in the hall mostly filled, except for a small one that was snugly fit for two. It almost looked like the people who would sit there would look like they were on a date of some sort. Naruto turned to look at me, a wary expression on his face. He placed his hand on my shoulder and at his touch, my body jolted. His gaze never left my face, and I realized he was asking a question as he motioned his head towards the table.

"Oh," I breathed, "yeah. That's okay. We'll sit there."

"Are you sure? It's not too close?"

"Please. It's just breakfast," I snickered.

As we sat on the soft chairs, a young waiter came to greet us and smiled brightly, though it wasn't as bright as the smile that Naruto wore. He took our order patiently, smiled, and bowed before he left to place our order. I was aware that Naruto was watching me, and I felt as though my hands were becoming sweaty from the attention. Had he known I was watching him last night? I cleared my throat and crossed my legs - a habit I only showed when I was extremely nervous - and leaned forward so he could hear me in the midst of all the laughter and chatter coming from the other guests.

"So, where are we off to next?"

He smiled, making my heart thump in my chest with how slowly he leaned forward. I thought I was holding my breath for a few seconds.

"There's a village that's known for its medicinal herbs. We'll stop by there."

"Why?"

"We need to stock up. Just in case."

"Are you expecting to get hurt?" I laughed.

"No, but you might."

"I can take care of myself," I said stiffly.

Naruto chuckled and shrugged, leaning his broad back against his chair. He brought out his map from his pocket - and I wanted to laugh at how he always seemed to have it on his person, but the way his eyebrows scrunched together told me that this was a habit he developed after an unfortunate event took place. He scrutinized the paper before him, but he didn't make marks like he normally would. Perhaps he was just checking our route again. I watched the people that passed by our table with wonder - where did they come from? What were they doing? Were they living luxurious lives despite the war? I frowned at the thought, because as it was, even the people in higher social ranks were not living luxurious lives.

"Haruna-chan, your bangs are sticking to your forehead," Naruto chuckled.

When I turned to look at him, he had put his map away and was staring at me intently. There was a glint in his eyes, but it wasn't one that was harmful. My heart thumped and I felt my cheeks burn up when my brain processed what he had said, and I fumbled to push my bangs aside, fixing them properly. Naruto smiled and again, I wasn't sure how to perceive the particularly hard thump in my chest, which was now accompanied by a nervous sensation in my stomach.

_He's just doing his job_, I reminded myself.

When our food arrived, Naruto did that thing that was apparently called eating and I couldn't help but stare in awe as I chewed slowly on my food. He spoke of the places he's been, and I nodded and laughed at the right times. His eyes lit up each time, and my stomach sank at the thought that this whole time, Naruto was probably one of the loneliest people I would ever come to know. He stuttered when I complimented him on the things he'd accomplished, and I even saw traces of his blushing cheeks. It made my heart fuzzy, but my subconscious was reminding me over and over again that this was just his job.

He was supposed to make the other party feel comfortable with him, so that it'd make the rescuing easier.

Naruto paid the receptionist for our breakfast, as well as for the previous night, smiling at her before walking away. I saw the widening of her eyes, and I couldn't help but smile softly and think that I knew how she felt. His smile was blinding, and his eyes made you drown. Slowly, but surely, Naruto was creating a space for himself inside my heart. I didn't know what to make of it, but I knew that I didn't want him to think he was alone. I didn't want him to think I was _just_ another person he was supposed to save.

If he understood that, perhaps we would be friends.

* * *

I was still yawning, even when daylight had fully lit up the sky and we were standing underneath it. Naruto did not utter a word as we walked, but his face was calm and content. I noted that his laughter lines were prominent, and I was struck again with his most private place; his thinking place. How could someone that was so filled with warmth and light have to suffer through so much pain? Was the world not cruel enough, to give him the task of rescuing people he had never known, and given the responsibility of guarding them with his life? I felt angry at the thought, but when Naruto smiled at me, I felt it all melt away.

He really was unfair, with how easily he could give me his brightest smile, and it was a pattern I wasn't sure I wanted to accept yet.

It took half a day to get to the village that Naruto was talking about, and by the time we got there, I felt as though my feet were slowly being scraped away. It's not that the shoes I was wearing were inconvenient, like Naruto had suggested, but it was that I hadn't walked so much in so long. I was beginning to stumble because my calves were beginning to throb, and I could see the irritation on Naruto's face, even as I tried my best to flawlessly walk forward.

"Haruna-chan, I can see you're suffering," he groaned.

"I'm fine. Come on, let's go get the herbs," I smiled.

"Not when you're moving like that."

"Naruto, come on! You said we can't waste any more time!"

His blue eyes pierced through me and there was an overwhelming sensation that spread throughout my body - almost as if I were naked, though I knew fully well that I wasn't. Naruto was standing a few meters away from me, and when he stepped forward, I felt envy at the ease and poise in his stride. He was clumsy, but there were certainly times when even he could control his limbs. His hand reached for my cheek and I froze at how closely he came to touching my face. He motioned that there was a strand of loose hair, and I pushed it behind my ear. My skin felt hot and my breath caught in my throat. I had to keep wondering why Naruto was making me so _nervous_. He wasn't doing anything particularly exciting - he was just standing near me.

Perhaps that was it, though.

Naruto took a few steps ahead of me before he kneeled down, his arms stretched behind him. He looked over his shoulder and waited for me. I blinked, feeling baffled at what he was doing. What _was_ he doing? He sighed when I didn't seem to catch on, and the whole thought of the situation might've been comical, had my heart not been beating a thousand kilometers per minute.

"Come on," he urged.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"You can't walk. Get on my back!"

"_What?!_ No way. That's asking for too much, even from me, Naruto," I said, offended.

"We'll get there much faster if you get on my back."

"_No way in hell_," I spat.

Naruto's brow furrowed together when he turned to look at me, his hands falling limply at his side. Certainly, it was difficult to walk, but that didn't mean he had to offer a piggy back ride. It wasn't so much that I was uncomfortable with them, but it was more the fact that _Naruto_ was offering them, and it made me feel self-conscious. For one thing, I was thinking things about him that couldn't possibly be labeled as normal. For another thing, it had been a while since someone was this considerate, and I wasn't sure what to make of it.

"So you're just going to walk?" he asked, finally.

"Yes. I'll drag myself if I have to."

I tried to keep my face as least contorted as possible as I walked forward, but I still heard Naruto chuckle behind me. His footsteps were quiet and slow and I was, for some odd reason, irritated that he was waiting for me to walk first. I held my own, even as the irritation seeped into my jaw and made me grind my teeth together. I focused on the herbal shop I saw ahead of me, telling myself that we'd get there soon, that we'd get there without Naruto lifting me or dragging me forward. I groaned when my calves began to throb, but Naruto still did not utter a word.

He was a smart man for not opening his mouth.

It took longer than it should have, but eventually we stood facing the entrance of the herbal shop. The door was made of glass and I vaguely wondered why the shopkeeper didn't cover up the shop more. I placed my hand on the handle when Naruto cleared his throat. I looked to him and he wore an amused expression, the corners of his lips twitching, fighting to laugh. I didn't know what he found so funny, but just as I raised my eyebrow, he shook his head.

"You look so excited," he said.

I rolled my eyes at him as I snorted. Of course I was excited; we were shopping for medicinal herbs. I hadn't felt this calm in years, since the very last time Tsunade-sama and I went to look for plants to mix together. I pushed the door and hobbled inside, with Naruto on my heel. A red-haired woman with glasses stood at the counter, an extremely bored expression on her face. How someone was bored in an _herbal_ shop, I would never understand. I looked around the shop and a surge of an emotion that felt similar to warmth spread throughout my veins. I remembered when Tsunade-sama took me to one of these shops for the first time - it was truly an experience to be able to feel the different plants with the tips of my fingers, to be able to smell them as I chose which herbs to buy.

Naruto, of course, was not aware of my obsession.

"Uh. You okay there? You look like you're having a sensory overload," he said, his voice wary.

"I'm fine. I just haven't been to one of these places for a while," I murmured as I stepped towards the left wing of the shop.

Naruto shrugged and walked ahead to the counter and began speaking casually to the redhead, whose expression had not changed, even with Naruto smiling widely. It seemed they were well-acquainted, by the way Naruto called her by her first name, Karin. Naruto spoke with her animatedly, and I wanted to laugh at the display of energy that couldn't seem to reach the girl, but I kept my mouth shut tight as I perused the small aisles.

Each shelf that I passed contained different sizes of crucibles, and different types of herbs and plants. Some were made of glass, some of rock. The ones made of rock were more effective for herbs that had a strong smell - which, of course, were effective for long-term wounds. The ones made of glass were for temporary wounds, such as headaches. I ran through a list of possibilities inside my head as I picked up crucible after crucible, examining the feel of it against my palm. I looked around the shop for plantain leaves, and was delightfully impressed that they had more than enough near the windows. Tsunade-sama always reminded me to have some plantain on my person even if it seemed likely that someone wasn't going to get a cut.

Naruto watched me from the counter with a small smile on his lips, and I noticed Karin had left to go out back.

"What'd you tell her that scared her off?" I scoffed.

"I just asked her if she was free later," Naruto answered, his face completely serious and his tone deadpan.

My heart dropped a little and I nodded, feeling embarrassed that I asked.

"Oh. So, is she?" I asked as I ducked my head, pretending that a bowl made of solid rock caught my attention.

"She is, but she has rules about sex on a first date."

"Sex on a first _date_?" I asked cautiously, feeling my veins prickle with irritation.

"Haruna-chan. I'm kidding. She's my cousin," he said, his tone softer.

My head snapped up to look at him, and his eyes were apologetic. I nodded and continued perusing the aisles, my heart rate slowing down. If I wasn't careful, I would've let out a terribly huge sigh, and Naruto would've known that something was off. Knowing him as long as I have (which wasn't that long, to be frank), he would think that I had to pee again. I wanted to laugh at how easily amused I was at the thought of Naruto thinking I always wanted to pee, but Naruto's watchful eyes kept me from eliciting any sound.

"You seemed annoyed," he pointed out after a few seconds.

"Me? No way," I laughed, my heart thudding in my ears.

"Well, like I said. She's my cousin, so there's nothing to worry about."

He was so _frustrating_, and his teasing manner was smeared all over his smug face when I turned to look at him. I cleared my throat and pulled some Rose plants and calendula, taking them up to the counter. I grabbed a few more things from the shelves that I knew we'd need, and in case of emergencies, I pulled a few more plants and leaves that were useful for bleeding. You never knew who would spring out from nowhere and hurt us.

I tapped my fingers against the counter as I stood next to Naruto, and when Karin emerged from the back again, she was holding a bottle of what seemed to be sake. I froze at the sight, and not because I had never seen alcohol (Tsunade-sama was a big drinker!), but because I had genuinely thought it was supposed to be a remedy in the form of liquid, for wounds and scrapes, and maybe, gashes.

I turned to Naruto, and I felt my eyes narrow when he laughed.

"You never know when we're gonna need to wind down," he said easily.

"You idiot, we're traveling! You can't just take -" I stopped speaking abruptly as I realized I was about to reveal that Naruto had a mission to keep my life safe.

"It's okay, Haruna-chan. It'll prove useful," he said solemnly as he took out the money to pay Karin.

"You owe me, Naruto. It took a _lot_ of money to get this in such a short time!"

"Karin, you went to the store behind this shop."

"_Still_, it was a lot of effort," Karin rolled her eyes as she rang up the register and placed our purchases into a paper bag.

"Uh, thanks, Karin. If we come by here again, I'll make sure Naruto pays you back," I said politely, but the red-haired woman (surprisingly) gave me a smile of her own. It was warm and not at all heartless like I thought it would be. She even emitted the same energy as Naruto, which wasn't all _that_ surprising.

"No need for that! I'm always nagging Naruto, but he's my cousin so I cut him slack."

"Liar," Naruto pouted.

Karin rolled her eyes and ruffled his hair before bowing to me, telling me to come by again someday. I handed Naruto the paper bag and he carefully placed it in the bag he held, careful not to break the glass crucibles, or to destroy the delicate leaves and herbs. He offered me a smile as he slung the bag onto his back, and I pushed the door open, the sound of the door opening ringing in my ears as we walked out. Naruto hummed a tune as we walked, but there was something different about the way his lips didn't lift at the corners.

"Karin has one of the best medicinal shops in Salji," Naruto said.

"Is that so?"

"Tsunade-sama accredited it. Karin was just a normal drugstore before that."

Naruto hadn't brought up Tsunade-sama in such a long time that hearing her name leave his lips made me double back, thinking I heard wrong. He wore his grim expression, though, and I figured he was being considerate and respectful - only mentioning my teacher's name when necessary. I nodded and continued to walk beside him, feeling a little anxious that he wasn't as chatty as before. He wasn't even making stupid jokes, and the fact that he wasn't made my hair stand on end.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Shh, they'll hear you," Naruto replied calmly, but his feet continued to step forward.

I gulped, and the sensation caused my stomach to churn. There was something - someone - that was hiding in the shadows, and Naruto was fully aware of it. Why had he brought us to Karin's shop, then? I watched his hand go into his pocket, and from the looks of it, his fingers curled around something. My shoulders tensed at the change in atmosphere - the last time Naruto was in action, he had taken his enemies lightly, and still succeeded.

I idly wondered what he was like when he took someone seriously. I almost shivered at the thought.

Without realizing it, I inched closer to Naruto, and not because I was looking for someone to protect me. My senses, though not as keen as they used to be, were telling me that I was not the person they were after. I took a half step in front of Naruto, attempting to shield him from whatever was about to come out.

Naruto breathed and I felt it tickle the back of my neck, and in that moment, everything happened too fast. Naruto was taken away before I could call out his name.

I was grabbed by my arms and kicked in my lower back, the force almost breaking my arms. I turned around to land a punch square in his face and didn't even process what he looked like. They were all the same; wearing masks that covered half their faces, only revealing their dark, somber eyes. Two more men came at me with weapons in their hands, but I reminded myself not to panic, that panic would bring an ugly end.

I lifted one leg high up in the air and brought it down onto the first man's shoulder, causing him to hit the ground with a loud thud, possibly breaking a bone or two. I spun before my foot touched the ground and kicked the other one in the face. They both were bleeding, and with efficiency, I twisted each of their arms before taking their weapons and majorly wounding anyone else that came near me. My eyes went back and forth and a thin sheet of sweat formed on my forehead. The ones without weapons were holding their arms up in the air, and their eyes were filled with terror that was not previously there.

"Who are you people?!" I shouted.

They remained standing, too afraid to move. A few of them were trembling, and I tensed my arms, telling myself to prepare for an attack. My eyes watched them closely despite them clearly showing no sign of attack. I had no time to look at their eyes individually - I had no time to find fear in them. They were _terrified_, and for what reason, I already knew. They weren't expecting Naruto to be with someone that could fight.

"If anyone moves," I breathed, "I'll castrate all of you."

I did not completely remove myself from the defensive stance, but a man I had struck down with a hard kick to his shin flexed his fingers, reaching for a rock near his head. I pretended not to notice - these things were more fun when you made the enemy think you were caught off-guard, after all. He slowly rose to his feet and I turned my head to the side, watching him with pity I reserved for scum like him.

"Aren't you brave," I chuckled lightly as I approached him, my shoes digging into the cold earth.

I held his face between my fingers and his eyes stared up at me, frenzied. He tried to move his limbs and I watched as he struggled helplessly. The truth was that I didn't like taking other people's lives. I didn't like to hear them scream, and I didn't like to see their blood. Even with these thoughts in my head, I pressed the knife to the man's throat, so dangerously close to his jugular. His body went still when I grazed the knife against his skin, admiring the way the pressure caused his skin to become pale.

"Do you want to watch your friend die?" I asked, and the rest of the group collectively released a strangled breath.

They fidgeted, and from the corner of my eye, I saw their eyebrows scrunch together in confusion, in turmoil. They did not want to leave him, they did not want him to die. The man before me whimpered, his breath leaving his nose harshly as he desperately tried to breathe properly, with tears beginning to form in his eyes. I felt sympathy for him, but I tightened my jaw to keep from giving them an opportunity to attack me.

"Where is he?" I asked, my tone cold.

No one answered. They merely looked back and forth at each other for an answer, for some kind of miracle that would enable them to take my life. It was too bad that they were our enemies, and not our allies.

"I _said_, where _is_ he?" I spat through my teeth, causing the man before me to grind his teeth from the sheer shock.

He whimpered again and I smiled, though my heart was lurching at the fact that I was making someone so fearful of me. It was entirely new, and I wasn't sure I liked the feeling. I was always patient, and it was both thrilling and terrifying that these men, whom I had never met, were worried about the next move I was going to make.

"Sorry, buddy," I whispered, genuinely feeling remorse, "but they'll remember how brave you were." He began breathing heavily as his whole body trembled, his eyes frantically turning to his friends. A split second later, I had drawn the knife deep into his neck, slicing cleanly through the skin and dropping my hold on the man's face immediately but his blood still oozed messily into my hands. It was hot - almost burning - and I reminded myself I needed to find a stream to wash off my hands later.

When I turned to look at the rest of the men, their faces were white with terror. The ones who continued to hold their weapons dropped them to the ground. They were watching me with wary eyes, and I was beginning to feel sympathetic again.

"If you don't tell me where Naruto is, the same thing will happen to you."

With his other hand, the first man I knocked down pointed towards a mess of forest behind Karin's shop, and I nodded. I inhaled through my nose and stared at them, feeling sorry for the man who hired them to become murderers. Despite the fact that they were very clearly enemies, I didn't think anyone deserved to feel that pressure to kill, or to survive. Though, of course, it was only natural and was bound to happen at some point during this age of war.

"You should run," I whispered, "so that the man who hired you won't kill you."

They all ran off at the speed of light, all their weapons and necessities left behind at my feet. I grabbed a few of their belongings - bandages and clean cloths - and stuffed them into my pocket, still frowning at the fact that I needed to clean my hands properly. I ran towards the forest, pushing through big leaves and reminding myself that I needed to get there quickly. When I found Naruto, he was lying on the floor and his stomach had been ripped open with streams of blood oozing. No internal organs were showing, and at that realization, I moved quickly to his side. He was losing the color in his face.

I checked for his heartbeat and though it was faintly beating, he was conscious. His bright eyes were closed and my fingers worked efficiently to stop the bleeding. His bag was nowhere to be found, and I wanted to kick myself at the fact that I wasn't quick enough. I looked next to me and there were a few plants that I could use as a substitute, and with quick feet, I pulled them out of the ground and grabbed some rocks to help crush it. I called Naruto's name as I ground the leaves together, fighting back the tears that threatened to blind my vision. _You'll be okay, you'll be fine. _

I spread the destroyed leaves along his wounds, and Naruto flinched at the contact. Making haste, I pulled out the cloths from my pocket and quickly wrapped them around his wound to serve as bandages, cringing when Naruto's breath left his nose harshly. I tried to be gentler as I pressed small bouts of pressure to his wound, praying to the gods that the substitute leaves would help at least a little.

I brushed his face of the dirt and pushed his hair out of his eyes, whispering his name again. People like Naruto - people that had suffered great lengths, weren't meant to die like this. I told myself that I had done what I could, and the only thing left to do now was wait. I continued to press my fingers against his wound, willing the leaves to work. I laid by his side and looked towards the tall trees. My body was slowly becoming fatigued, and as my eyes fluttered closed, all I could see was Naruto's stupid grin.

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That was a very long chapter. Please give me feedback! I hope that this chapter met all your expectations ^^


	7. old skin

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Due to university starting on the 22nd of September, I will not be updating the next chapter in a while. I'll write a little here and there, but this fanfic, along with Worn Out Fingers, will be on hold. Thus, this is the last chapter that you'll receive for a while, and I apologize if that upsets you :-( I'm planning on updating Worn Out Fingers, as well, as a farewell (for now), so please await that! Also, please remember that there is a blog that explains each chapter, found at narusakusmearedhands on tumblr! Here we go, chapter seven of 'smeared hands' - please review!

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I didn't know how else to describe it. My limbs were heavy and my eyes felt as though they were glued shut. I tried to move my arms and lift them, to touch anything I could reach for, but they wouldn't move no matter how much I willed them to. It was dark and the only thing that I could feel - the only thing that caught my attention - was the dull pain in my ankle. I knew that no one had stabbed it, but it felt _different_ somehow. It was throbbing softly, but it started to subside when I felt skilled fingers putting gentle pressure against the wound.

I tuned in to the feel of calloused hands as they grazed carefully on my skin - as though measuring how much pressure they can give, how much pain would be emitted from the pressure. He whistled every now and then, and he would unwrap the bandage when he was uncertain of the pressure he was exerting. I could see his scrunched up face behind my eyelids, and I wanted to smile. I figured I would as soon as I could open my eyes.

"I was beginning to think you were an endurer of pain," he whispered in a low voice.

I wanted to laugh at the clear sarcasm, but my neck was too stiff. I gulped and very carefully allowed my limbs to relax. I opened one eye at a time, and when my eyes adjusted, Naruto was holding my leg in his lap as he regarded my very swollen ankle with concern. I felt my heart thump in my chest when he rubbed his thumb along my heel. It was a simple gesture, but I was ticklish and the fact that I didn't laugh spoke levels of the amount of comfort I was in whenever he was in close proximity. I watched as he pressed his thumb against the base of my ankle before gently wrapping up the bandage and holding it together with a pin. He looked up at me then - and the raw emotion in his eyes made me feel embarrassed. Though, there was no _need_ to feel embarrassed. He was just treating my leg, after all.

"You're right. I kind of am," I smiled when he started putting away the small first aid kit.

He leaned my body against the bark of a large tree that provided shelter from the sun during the summers, and it was comfortable enough that my eyes began fluttering close again. He paced around the space around us for a few minutes before he sat, facing the stream of water near us. He rubbed the back of his neck, a habit I noticed that only presented itself when he was distressed, and he leaned back on his hands. He didn't utter a single word, and the atmosphere was starting to change.

Holding onto the tree for support, I lifted myself off the grass and dragged myself to where Naruto sat. He became alarmed when he turned, but I waved my hand at him, telling him I was fine. His whole body tensed, even after I managed to sit down beside him, but he didn't argue. I sighed deeply and the air before my nose turned to vapor. It was getting colder, day by day. If we didn't hurry to where Naruto was taking us, I knew it'd be dangerous - and not just for me. Even though he said he was used to it, I worried about Naruto, because he was awfully kind. You weren't supposed to believe people like him, who said they were used to things that others were not.

You were never supposed to trust that they're okay with bad things happening.

"Sorry we're not there sooner," he said, his tone genuine.

"That's okay. Can't be helped."

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his expression calm.

"A little better. As long as I don't pressure on my ankle, of course."

"Who knew you'd bruise easily?"

"Not me, obviously," I smiled.

He chuckled and sighed, closing his eyes this time. I couldn't help but watch him - the way his chest rose and fell, the way the corners of his lips lifted even when he wasn't smiling, the way the lines of his face never seemed to show he was weary. I questioned whether he was ever exhausted, be it physically or emotionally. With a job like his, I'd have thought that it might've been emotionally draining, to have to save so many people you couldn't get attached to. I frowned.

"What is it?" Naruto asked, with his eyes still closed.

"What's what?"

"You're fidgeting, I can hear you."

"You can _hear_ me?"

"One of the perks of being a mercenary," he chuckled.

I was beginning to think that whenever he chuckled, it was more because he was trying to block something out. As though he was trying not to remember something - as though he was atoning for something he'd done. I didn't know him well enough, obviously, but judging from what I already knew, he'd seem like the type to never forgive himself for being unable to fulfill whatever duty he'd been assigned by anyone. Most of the time, people like him took on heavy responsibilities that they weren't obligated to, and would beat themselves up if they failed to succeed. At that thought, I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

"Naruto," I said.

"Yeah?"

"What's it like? Being a mercenary."

Naruto furrowed his brow before his shoulders relaxed. He was concentrating. He laid down until the back of his head touched the grass, and it was only then that he opened his eyes. They weren't that familiar blue fire I adored staring at - but they were a dull blue that could only be described as lonely - just as the winter sky above us. I couldn't stop staring, but when Naruto inhaled a small breath of air, I turned towards the stream in front of us and waited for him to speak.

"It's not so bad," he began, "but there are things I wish I could change."

"Like what?"

"Well, for one thing. Some people treat mercenaries like they're inhuman. Both in the good way and in the bad way. Sometimes. they treat us like we're gods, and sometimes, like we're trash."

His breath caught in his throat, but I didn't utter a word. I didn't dare look at him.

"It's like, so many people hire you because they think you're good, but no one cares about your feelings. No one cares if the person you're trying to save is someone from enemy lands. But that's what it means to be a mercenary, I guess."

"Do you still hate it?" I asked softly.

"No. I don't. But I gotta admit that sometimes, it's difficult being one. You lose things all the time."

I waited for him to say more, but the pattern in his breathing began to change, and it dawned upon me that Naruto was not ready. He wasn't ready to talk about his best friend, or the day his best friend was killed. How long ago had it been that his best friend was killed? Was it before the war? Right after the war started? Was it years ago? I cringed at the thought of a teenage Naruto having to deal with the pain of losing his closest friend. I cringed at the mere thought of a teenage Naruto fighting off adult enemies all alone - afraid and suffering.

"Sometimes," he finally said, "things don't go your way and then you don't get paid."

"That must be rough," I answered.

"When I first started out, yeah. I got used to it, though."

He sighed before continuing.

"But I met some pretty awesome people that are taking care of me."

"Even now?"

"Yep, they're waiting for us back at the shelter."

"What are they like?" I asked, not being able to stop myself.

"One's my teacher, the guy that trained me. His name's Kakashi. He's kinda like a brother. A much older brother."

"That must be nice," I smiled.

"It is. Always looking out for me. There's Kurama, too, but he's an ass."

I laughed, and I heard Naruto chuckle. It was more genuine this time, too. It was less filled with emptiness, and more with amusement, just like it's meant to be. The fire didn't return to his eyes when he spoke of the different missions and jobs he took on, but there was a smile playing on the corner of his lips. It looked cynical; lonely, maybe even a little bit resentful. He sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, and I had to wonder if Naruto had ever worn a wary expression in front of anyone. I sucked in a breath through my nose and forced myself to ignore my pounding heart.

"You know, you were talking about your best friend," I said.

"Yeah, what about him, Haruna-chan?"

"You said… he was killed. I, uh, just. How…?" I stuttered, not sure about my decision to ask him.

"Ah, that," he whispered, "that was mostly because of the enemy."

"The enemy?"

"Yeah. They were too skilled."

His voice was clipped and it was devoid of emotion. Even though he was answering my question, I felt as though there was something he wasn't allowing himself to say. I rested my chin against my knees and stayed quiet - and not because I felt guilty, but because I didn't know how to talk to him about his best friend without sounding too nosy. From what he'd told me, none of the other people he'd rescued and saved had been this kind to him. I remembered the way his face lit up when he said it, the night he took me from Juugo and Suigetsu. His eyes were filled with a passion I hadn't seen in years, and his smile could have blinded me with how wide it was. I wanted to remember _that_ Naruto, not the Naruto beside me, whose eyes had lost their spark.

"Speaking of mercenary jobs," Naruto said, "how were those guys defeated if I was here?"

At the memory of the man's blood in my hands and with his throat cut open, I felt all the blood rush to my head. I remembered I felt sympathetic for the man, and I also remembered the way his eyes appeared to be begging, right before I covered them with my free hand. I thought about the men surrounding me, and how they seemed confused, and even more surprisingly, _afraid_ of me. A girl who they had never met, who had killed their comrade.

"I beat them," I said flatly.

Naruto did not laugh, nor did he question me. He wasn't angry, but he wasn't completely relieved. I could see him turn to look at me from the corner of my eye, and I saw him rub the back of his neck. Distress. He was worried, and for what reason, I wasn't sure I wanted to understand. Naruto inched himself closer to me, and even though I wasn't showing any signs of discomfort, Naruto's shoulders were still tense. Was he afraid I'd beat him, too?

"You beat _all_ of them?" he asked, his eyes wide in bewilderment.

"No, of course not!" I rolled my eyes.

"Then?"

"I beat one. Only one. And the rest just ran away," I answered.

"What do you mean you _beat_ only one?"

I inhaled softly through my mouth, trying to make the nausea disappear. Trying not to let it get the better of me. Tsunade-sama always told me that the first time you kill someone, the pressure will overwhelm you so much that it'll cause the bile in your stomach to slosh around until you vomit. It happened to the best of people, she reminded me. But I was not the best of people. I reminded myself to suck in breaths quickly, so that I could no longer taste the bile in my throat.

"Hey, hey," Naruto said, his hands moving to my shoulders and pulling me into his chest.

I was hyperventilating and tears began to sting my eyes.

"It's okay," Naruto cooed as he stroked my hair with his big hand.

"I killed him. I _killed_ someone. I've never - I would never…" I said, not being able to finish my thoughts.

"I know. I know," Naruto whispered as he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

It was safe and it was calming, to hear his heartbeat that was steady and unwavering. Just like his personality, just like the way he led me all the way here - with a confidence no one else I knew could match. He pulled me into his lap without me noticing and he rocked me as he cooed, telling me it was okay, it was alright. That I was strong, and that I had no choice. I nodded into his neck and let him rub my back. Before long, the sky turned dark.

Naruto had reached for some water and told me to take small sips. He watched as I did, and because his face was so _close_, I climbed out of his lap and sat next to him instead, trying to still my erratic heartbeat. It took about half the container of water he'd brought, but I was able to breathe steadily again. The nausea had disintegrated, and the color returned to my face. We didn't move from our spot, where we sat and stared at the stream. Naruto didn't say anything at first, but he kept glancing at me. When my breathing had finally returned to normal, Naruto chuckled. I turned to look at him, my eyebrow cocked in question.

"I shouldn't have asked that."

"What? Why not?"

"Because," he smiled, "I should've figured they ran away from you."

I raised my eyebrow.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you were feisty enough that you chased them away," he laughed, the sound jubilant and hopeful.

I smiled and rested my hands against my knees, beginning to feel the cold getting to the tips of my fingers. I rubbed my hands together and blew on them, attempting to prevent frostbite and whatnot, when Naruto stood up. He looked around, and it was almost funny, because it was dark and I had to wonder how he could _always_ see things in the dark. It was almost as though he had some kind of special power, but then again, maybe he was trained to be able to see in the dark. Probably to spot enemies or spies that threatened Salji.

I was about to turn my head back towards the stream when I heard a particularly loud stomach, and started laughing when I realized it wasn't mine.

"That hungry, huh?" I laughed.

"We have to eat. It's been hours, Haruna-chan!"

"Okay, okay. I'll go," I said as I started to stand up.

"What're you, a masochist? We'll wait until morning."

"You're _starving_."

"Yeah, but an enemy could spring out of nowhere."

"Naruto," I laughed as I unzipped the bag, "we have weapons."

"We do?" he replied, puzzled.

"If anyone comes near me, I have knives, Naruto. No one would dare."

As he mulled it over, I sighed and began grabbing nearby sticks and rocks, piling them into the middle of where we sat. Naruto sighed and began hunting for small animals, while I made rods out of sticks so that we could fish. Naruto had caught two rabbits, and my eyes widened because it really was a treat compared to the very first night we spent in the woods, but of course, it had nothing on the meal we shared at the inn. I left the rods untouched as I started the fire, with Naruto sitting across from me. He reached into the bag and pulled out bowls and spoons, his expression calm.

Out of all the times I've seen Naruto's calm expression, this was probably the closest I would get to see him content. The crinkles in his eyes had relaxed, and his lips were pulled upwards into an easy smile. He cooked the meat and cut it with a knife, pushing a lot of it onto my plate. I looked at him with my brow furrowed. He merely grinned, and told me that I needed it more than him. I wanted to argue, but he had begun eating and looked as though he was in absolute bliss as the taste reached every nerve of his body.

"You had to be really good at fighting if you scared them," Naruto said between bites.

"Chew with your mouth closed," I groaned, "but yeah. I guess so."

He made a point of showing me that he was chewing with his mouth closed, and then swallowed the meat, his throat making an obvious gulp. He drank from the canister of water and sighed before setting his bowl next to him.

"Where'd you learn to be so brave?" he asked.

I couldn't stop from smiling, but I thought over my answer carefully. Obviously, I couldn't tell him that Tsunade-sama was the one that taught me. Growing up, I was a sort of secret from everyone else. That's why it was easy to lie to people, to tell them that my name was Haruna, when in fact, it was Sakura. No one had suspected I was lying, and I supposed it was because I had perfected the lie. I smiled as I set down my bowl, feeling a smidge of guilt tug at my heart.

"I had a teacher. She taught me everything."

"She must've been a great woman."

"How do you know?"

"Well. She passed on _something_ to you, didn't she?"

I felt saddened by Naruto's impression that Tsunade-sama had passed something onto me. Certainly, she had taught me how to fight and defend myself, but I could never imagine that I inherited her sense of responsibility, or her overwhelming desire to protect those she loved. Tsunade-sama was a noble woman, and she knew that she couldn't abandon certain people. I happened to be one of those people, but even so, I told Naruto I was flattered to be compared with someone so admirable. The truth, of course, was that I was absolutely devastated.

I could never be like Tsunade-sama.

We sat by the stream after dinner, and we washed the bowls and spoons together as we talked about the most trivial of things. I learned that Naruto's favorite color was orange, and he learned mine was spearmint. His favorite food, when he wasn't traveling, was ramen, and I told him mine was those sweet jelly puddings that came in cans. I rolled my eyes when he told me his master had trained him to be perverted, and he laughed when I told him I had a habit of kicking off my shoes whenever I entered a building. I thought it was a common habit that most people had, but by the way Naruto was laughing, I thought that perhaps, he hadn't heard of someone with that habit before.

After we had packed away our supplies, we leaned against a tree bark and watched the moon. It was a full moon that night and the stars had come out to play. With a tone that was different than the previous times, Naruto informed me that we had to leave first thing in the morning. I nodded, knowing that my wound would've been much better by dawn. All I needed was some rest, and with the wound in Naruto's stomach, it was the same for him. He needed as much as he could get.

"Kakashi and Kurama are waiting for us at the shelter," Naruto said.

"Did they assign you this mission to save me?"

"Yeah. They told me I couldn't fail, too."

"Have you ever, before?"

Naruto didn't answer, but instead, he smiled sadly. I ducked my head, understanding the answer. Of _course_ he'd failed before. Of _course_ someone had gotten hurt under his care.

A few droplets of water had begun to fall onto my forehead, and at first, I thought it was snow. But when the droplets began to fall downwards towards my cheeks, Naruto pulled me up by the hand and I hobbled over with him to a tree where there was more shelter from the rain. I sat down and he reached for the blanket he was intending to give to me on our first night in the woods. He covered me with it, making sure it was snug and secure. He began to walk away, and I cleared my throat, clearly confused.

"What're you doing?" I shouted over the heavy rain.

"Finding shelter," he shouted back.

I gestured with my hand at the blanket in my lap and he stared at me, as though I was suggesting the most incredulous of things. I pat the space next to me with my palm, and even though my heart was thundering as loud as the rain, I kept a straight face. Naruto opened his mouth to say something, but he quickly clamped it shut. He took slow steps back towards me and sat down where I motioned to, his expression tense. He moved easily enough, but there was something written on his face that made me wonder what he was thinking about.

I pulled half the blanket off me and wrapped it around him. He watched me as I tucked it at his sides, making sure he was warm. I reminded myself that it was raining and cold, and that if we didn't share body heat, one of us could die. I looked up at him then and he smiled, a questioning look in his eyes.

"To keep us both warm," I whispered, despite the rain.

Naruto nodded and pressed his shoulder against mine as he settled into the position. We watched the rain with wistful eyes, and I prayed that from now on, things would be better. For both Naruto and I. I sighed as I remembered the splinters of guilt that would poke at my heart when I lied to him about myself, but I tried to reason with myself.

As much as I trusted Naruto, I didn't know to what extent he could keep a secret.

I glanced over to him to find that he was watching me, a concerned expression on his face. I smiled softly at him and continued to watch the rain. Perhaps, there was a way out of the past, a way out of misery - for the both of us. I closed my eyes and prayed to God, hoping that he'd hear my prayer - that I'd be able to become strong for the both of us.


End file.
